just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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