good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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