then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
