i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Terrible idea I love it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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