so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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