i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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