just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Another day, another engagement, another cat
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
