In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
