Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
