I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
