Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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