I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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