I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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