I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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