So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
