I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
