I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
