after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
