Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize