marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
