If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
