The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
