I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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