I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
