apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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