Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
