I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
