Can Purell be used as lube?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
