I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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