i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
