did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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