I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
