I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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