how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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