dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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