the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
