My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
