If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
