So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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