I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
