I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize