his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He shit in the fireplace
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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