forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize
