Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
