I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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