and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
