zippers are such a cool invention
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
They took my balls.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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