your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Help. Why am I so naked?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
