16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
