Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
