I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize