I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Houston, we have a blender
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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