Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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