remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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