Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
