i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
a search helicopter?!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My penis needs a shock collar
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
