make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
