She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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