I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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