I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
