That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize