Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
