I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
