Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
