On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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