it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
