I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
