exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
