i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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