thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
