he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
