I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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