I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
