I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
