you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
