Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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