You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
