david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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