Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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