You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
