I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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