Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
