good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize