yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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