we have pet lesbian snakes
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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