Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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