Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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