I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
