his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
