No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize