haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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