don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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