Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
