I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
