I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just googled if crying burns calories
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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