It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
