Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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