i wish peter jackson would direct porn
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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