and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i out mim tonsoeep
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