when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
