im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i believe in u and ur pee
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
