Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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