M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize