My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
