i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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