Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
