Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
