My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
