She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
