the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
