How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
