4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
