Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
