am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
